Can giving change your life?

What would the world be like if every morning, upon waking, the first thought everyone had was, "What can I give today?"

For about a month late this winter, I did just that. Sometimes it was hard, sometimes easy, but it always thought-provoking and, ultimately, inspiring.

In February, Judy Jollett, a member of my church, First Parish Brewster, got up and spoke about a book she had received as a present, "29 Gifts — How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life," by Cami Walker (2009, Da Capo Press). She spoke so passionately about how the book had affected her that when she announced she was going to co-lead a three-week discussion group on "29 Gifts," I knew I had to participate.

The book, part memoir, part inspirational journal, chronicles Walker's journey as a woman of 35 who, exactly one month after her wedding day, discovered she had multiple sclerosis. She writes of the depression and understandable self-pity she lapsed into, knowing her life was going to be forever altered. She was in extreme pain and looking for answers anywhere she could find them. It was through a friend and spiritual teacher, Mbali Creazzo, that she found inspiration.

When Walker called Creazzo looking for sympathy, she got something else instead — a lesson on the South African spiritual practice of giving.

"Cami, I think you need to stop thinking about yourself," Creazzo told the stunned Walker.

She told Walker that she was digging herself into an ever-deeper hole, but she had a "prescription" for her — bestow 29 gifts in 29 days.

Walker didn't take up the challenge right away, but eventually she did, and it changed her life. She blogged about it (29gifts.org) and eventually wrote her book.

Judy Jollett says she wanted to bring the book to church members to share what she had learned.

"Since I was so moved by my experiences, I wondered if this practice might provide the same experience for others," she says. "I am a nurse practitioner with a sociology background and I'm always curious about human behavior. My minister was very supportive and encouraging about giving this a try with a group. Since that time, I have thought about the math. If each person shared this practice with 20 people for eight or nine cycles, we could touch many, many lives."

The Rev. Mary McKinnon Ganz, who led the group with Jollett, was happy to bring this to the congregation.

"It seems to me that people are always asking themselves two questions: How can I be good, and how can I be happy?" Ganz says. "The '29 Gifts' practice offers a way people can address both those questions, by making a practice out of generous, openhearted giving. I wanted to see what would happen when a group of already bighearted people consciously set out to work together and hold each other gently accountable for a spiritual practice."

Counting myself among those who try to be generous, I wondered what would come of 29 days of giving, intentionally and thoughtfully. Many of us try to do the right thing and help others, but it is different when it's a conscious decision to give something every single day.

On Day 15 of my journey, I had what Oprah would call an "aha" moment. I'd been doing little things like baking cookies for the kind men at the transfer station or paying for someone's coffee behind me in line, but didn't feel I was making much of an impact.

Then one day I was sitting in church and an older woman I don't know well sat next to me. At the end of the service she asked me about my writing and my children. When I asked her how she was, she began to cry. She apologized and called herself a "wimp." She told me she'd received a bad health diagnosis and was scared. As I sat there, holding her and just being with her, I thought — this is it. Giving isn't about giving things, it's about being present for someone. Being present is the present.

Throughout the weeks our church group met, I heard similar stories from the 15 women who attended.

"What I have learned is that giving gifts can mean so many things beyond giving presents," says Janet Treanor of Harwich. "A gift can be as simple as waiting patiently in the grocery store line and engaging the harried clerk in a cheerful conversation, or as large as giving away a prized possession. My gifts are generally simple. I've also learned that it isn't always easy to give without expecting something in return. The old 'if I just did this nice thing, doesn't the universe owe me a little something?' But I'm learning. This practice feels truly profound."

Walker found that as she gave, she did begin to feel less depressed and some of her symptoms did abate. Three years after writing her book, she is living in Colorado, now divorced, and "29 Gifts" has become her business and her life.

"It changed my way of thinking so fundamentally it changed my health," Walker says. "I found new energy and purpose. It is about connecting with other people and embracing the idea of community, that we can do together what we can't do alone. Giving is a way to walk through life with peace and love. Everything is not always going to look or feel graceful, but it's nice to have that as a goal."

Walker is quick to point out that giving of oneself is not a cure for any illness, but she credits the practice for alleviating her symptoms.

Ganz, the church pastor, says the "29 Gifts" practice and meeting with the group were powerful.

"I relearned how simple generosity of spirit is," she says. "What a little thing it is to open up, slow down and be kind to the people I encounter on my path; how taking this simple generosity of spirit consciously into my day really does affect my mood, really does make me happy. I already knew this, I suppose, but I was grateful for an opportunity to experience it newly, in the company of friends."

Jollett says the "29 Gifts" practice changed her as well.

"It was quite surprising that simple acts of daily gifting could have such a profound effect on me," she says. "In general, I feel that I am a blessed person, but I began to feel even more grateful and satisfied. I started having experiences that took me beyond my daily life, into the lives of others with whom I would otherwise not have interacted. It was powerful to see how you

could 'make someone's day' with simple acts of generosity. It has become a spiritual practice."

Walker says no matter what, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain by giving it a try.

"I suggest that people let go of expectations. Take it on as something to be curious about — a creative experiment," she says. "It is virtually impossible to have a bad experience if you commit to giving for 29 days. Something is going to come back to you — maybe it will just be a subtle shift in thinking or a different way of looking at things, but you will be changed."