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Day 0 Tears
I'm still in bed; but, need to rise to get to the pharmacy for new sleeping medication before attending my husbands going away luncheon. Truth be told, I don't want to go to the luncheon because I don't want him to be going. I am grateful for the fact that he is going to Asia instead of the sandbox. Yet, I just don't want him to go. I am not healthy and he is the only one that truly understands the depth of my illness. He sees my daily struggles. Yes, most of the time he does the laundry, the shopping and the cooking. Heck, he even makes my plate for me. Not because I can't but because he loves me that much and wants to take care of me. I am capable of doing these thing for myself, some days; but I know I won't starve and I will have clean clothes to wear. I will never be alone as I will be visiting my friends and loved ones next year. But I am just not prepared for him to leave me, I am not prepared for him to not be in my bed everynight. I will miss the fact that sometimes he hovers over me (which actually really irks me). I will miss his sense of humor, the smell of his uniform, and the touch of his hand. I cannot stop his leaving. I know it's his duty. I cannot stop my tears. I know it's my duty. I will feel this pain. I will allow myself to grief, to miss him even before he is gone.
Comment
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Comment by Paula Swenson on December 5, 2009 at 3:35am
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Shalunya, I just read an article that they have confirmed scientifically what we already know-- tears are actually good for you. Apparently they release natural chemicals in your body which boost your immune system and elevate your mood (eventually). Try to laugh a little with your husband too, before he leaves, so you both can hold that memory of your laughter to sustain you in your separation. {{......HUG ......}}
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Comment by Tammy Parker on December 3, 2009 at 5:50pm -
How are you doing today, I have missed your comments, I really feel for you, and your sadness. I hope that you will be ok. maybe the blogging will help you. I have stopped giving need to start again.
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Comment by Wendy Jo on December 3, 2009 at 3:14pm -
Shalunya, I've just read this and your previous blog from yesterday. My heart goes out to you. There is an overwhelming amount of high-stress things going on in your life at this moment. Moving is one of the most stressful and exhausting activities. It hits you on every level: emotionally, physically, and mentally. I moved about 2 yrs ago and it left me utterly exhausted and ill. On top of that, your beloved husband is going away for a year. Another huge stressor. I would be crying and falling apart, if I were in your position. From all that I have read in your blogs, you are an incredible woman and I believe your inner-strength is powerful. My prayer for you is that you are able to find some peace in this storm; that your health holds strong; and that your journeys over the next year reveal all the joy and kindness that is out there for you. I'm sending you a big virtual hug!
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Comment by genuine, wwt, welcomer on December 3, 2009 at 11:35am -
so hard to be separated from the ones we love ....
funny how you mention that him hovering over you actually irks you. some things we think we hate we actually miss when they are gone. strange; isn't it?
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Comment by sej on December 3, 2009 at 11:13am -
My heart feels for you. How sad you must feel to know that he is going to be gone for such an extended time. I'm assuming it's military and if so this must be espcially hard. God may be gently closing the door for that time with your husband, but rest assured he is preparing to open another door that will bring your strength during his absence.
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