As the new year has begun so has my 29 Day Giving Challenge. While thinking about starting the giving practice some days before, I admit that I had some worry as to whether or not I would be able to come up with any gifts to give, or if I would be able to "accomplish the task adequately." (Naturally being the worry-wart that I am :P) It was to my utmost relief and happiness to find that not only was I able to give of myself today, but that I was to give more than once. I have realized that once you find yourself giving, it is also easier to realize when someone else is giving to you. Previously, I believe I had not been able to really recognize or appreciate when someone was giving something (whether it was their time, attention, kind words, or love) to me to the extent that I do now, even with just having experienced my first day of giving! I am so looking forward to what this month will bring. (:
As for my gifts of this first day, they were these:
- Elaborating and describing what I love about one of my closest friends to her, instead of just the regular "Love you."
- Letting my boyfriend snooze away in the morning instead of pestering him to wake up. And when I did go on in to wake him up, I just cozied up next to him and laid there with him. After a few minutes I told him, "You couldn't give me a thousand dollars to leave this spot." In return he said, "You know how I love you? I think you're perfect. Everything about you is perfect. I know you're self-conscious about these (my small breasts; which I really have struggled with self-esteem issues over when I was younger and sometimes still to this day), but I think they're perfect. They're exactly what I would want them to be." Sharing sweet nothings when seeing each other first thing in the morning was such a relief compared to the usual stressful nagging. I've realized that if I allow things/moments to just be, instead of trying to control everything, they often radiate love and end up being perfect all on their own. In ways that I could never have achieved through force or control.
- Giving in to my family's wishes of going to a family friends' house for a little New Years' gathering. While arguing why I didn't want to go, I actually caught myself saying, "I would rather have my teeth pulled out, or die, than go to this party!" I've been having trouble socializing lately, because of my depression and anxiety. I predict in my mind that everything will turn out badly and that I will just want to run away. But since they all really wanted to go, and my boyfriend pleaded with me so sweetly, and I realized how stubborn I was being.. I just decided to give in and go along with them, as a family. It turned out much better than I had thought it would and everyone was very friendly and accepting. Even those who I was sure would not be. (:
- There was the sweetest little 4 year old girl at the party who completely won over everyone's heart, including mine. I even managed to snag her as a shadow-buddy (she followed me and tagged along wherever I went), going on "adventures" and playing games all throughout the house. She even shared her contagiously optimistic spirit, warmth, and smile with my boyfriend, whom usually has trouble feeling connected to "the group" while at parties. She was the sweetest little spot of sunshine, and it was my pleasure to give her my time, attention, and warm friendship, if even I will never see her again. She made my New Year bright and full of hope. Thank god for children, what would we do without them. They know more about love than any of us. Or maybe we've just momentarily forgotten. Anyway, she made me remember. (: