Day 2

i readily admit that the initial excitement regarding starting this journey has waned today - i just was in a raw emotional state. i know that the upcoming holidays are stirring things up inside - the loss of my Dad this year, being separated from my beloved husband at the moment are the 2 biggies.

i had woke up at 05:30 in the middle of a panic attack and of course Skyped with my love in that super-negatively charged emotional state. so my very first give was a sincere apology to my husband - though i felt much of what i had said and was feeling was valid but i also know that the conversation was entirely too negative. but as i typed that apology i was filled with the realization that the most important thing is our love and sudenly my focus was no longer on what i wished to receive from him but what i wished to give to him and us. I was filled anew with peace in sending that message.

and rather than let myself slide completely down the slope of self-pity, i also gave of my time and ear to my aunt who has been struggling with quite a bit lately. we had a very good long hour and 1/2 phone conversation and i just listened supportively and let her vent. even though i had some errands i had planned to do during the time of our conversation, i felt very glad that i reached out and called my aunt and connected with her instead.