Last night I dreamed there was a blueberry bush in my backyard and I was going out to it with a basket to pick blueberries to share with my next door neighbor. In my dream I was so excited to have something for my gift for the day. When I woke up I was a little disappointed to realize I wasn't going to be passing out freshly picked blueberries today! As I lay in bed thinking about my gift for the day, however, I knew what it is really supposed to be. I've been working towards acceptance of depression and the likelihood of having to actively manage it for the rest of my life. That acceptance will be my gift for the day. It seems strange to give a gift to myself so early on in the giving cycle but I promised myself I'd be open to what felt right for the gifts even if it was something unexpected.
I believe I started dealing with depression in my early teen years but I didn't really recognize it until after a series of miscarriages in my mid-to-late twenties plunged me deeper into the darkness. My journey for health over the last several years has taken me many unexpected places and I've learned a lot about what it takes to keep me looking on the bright side. I'm more functional and happy now for longer than I have been in my adult life. Herbalist Susun Weed says when you are ill, instead of thinking of the illness as an enemy, ask how it can be your ally. Depression is my ally. I accept its help and choose to learn from it. It has become my barometer to help me determine whether I am living true to myself. Because of depression I have learned about self care, boundaries, developing healthy friendships and receiving help gracefully and gratefully. Today I will be grateful for the lessons I have learned from depression.