Day 2 through 4 - Its Easy to Forget

I realize how quickly the days go by and how each day you must really think about another to bring a gift. Day 2 was a gift of forgiveness for my sister Ven as I picked up the phone. We had not been talking since a breakdown in our conversation over the holidays. My brother had gotten sick and still I had refused to talk to her about it. I was withholding. On Sunday I reliquished and forgave whatever silliness that kept us apart and we finished our conversation with I love you. On Day 3 I was much more deliberate. I had been carrying around a iTune gift card worth $25 and I was looking forward to getting a new iPod so I can download Dreams of My Father by Barack Obama. Mary from Ireland told me that it was just splendid listening to this book in Barack's baritone voice. So it really took something to let this gift card go and I knew in that moment it was all the more important that I do so. So I gave my card to Joi--a woman who comes into my circle and brings to the world what her name promises. When handing the card to Joi, she could see my struggle with handing the gift over and then I released the card. I let the gift go into the world and into another's hands. Joi's face was overwhelmed with the generousity of it all with the no reason nature of it. I then told her my reason is to give a gift away a day and I told her about the book.

I had to think about what was my Day 4 gift and realize I have to become more deliberate, more conscious if I do not want to break the cycle. So I got another call from this man Tevan that I broke up with last year. Tevan continues to call in anger acting as if I owe him something. I got to see myself in that relationship and the work I still needing to be do as Tevan was an expression of the unworkability of my life. With barely a roof over his head or a pot to piss in, I let Tevan come into my life and home as if partnership was possible. It was not long before seeing the unequal yoking was unworkable and I ended the relationship after just a few months in November. I just wish to move on and he, however, can't for some reason. At first I took his calls as he suggested ways to stay connected by doing business together. When he saw my disinterest he began to rant about a garden he built for us during our relationship and now he seemingly wants something for the work. It seemed silly and yet manipulative as I have come to know him to be and I said no. Lots of promises are made in relationships that go broken as love dies or was really never present. I can see now that I have lost touch with what love really is for me when it comes to relating in partnership. I stopped taking his calls as what he said did not make sense and became harrassing. I even asked my sister to tell him to stop calling me. Yet, still he persists. As I listened last night to his angry message that made no sense to me, I gave my 4th gift away as I granted him grace. Grace to be whatever way he is and whatever way he isn't. I also prayed that he would find a way to get complete with the lost love, effort, and time that we both invested. I gave away the gift of grace.