Day 5 Inquiry on receiving.

Today I gave with curiosity.

This morning in discussion with another wise friend, I was able to contemplate how willing I am to receive what I say I desire in my life. One particularly important thing comes to mind and I keep arguing in my head between deserving it vs. giving my resources to someone else for their benefit instead. I call this arguing with the gremlins in my head. I go round and round with it and sometimes it gets pretty dizzying. I came to the secondary inquiry of, "In this process of mindful, intentional giving for the purpose of connection with another and universal spirit, how willing am I to be connected to myself in this giving process?" What growth, learning and healing are possible if I allow myself to accept my own gift? How can I value the gifts I give if I don't value the giver? (ummm, in this case that would be me). What is holding me back from willingness to receive what I say I desire. Where else in my life does this show up? I began to realize that the very allowing of this gift to myself is a challenge to love fully and gracefully.

Gifts I gave:

- I gave my carless friend a car ride to Kona and then to Waimea. Kind of the scenic tour. He just rode along while I did errands, but he insisted that just seeing different scenery was enlivening.

- I sprayed the back of Elliott's throat with Chloraseptic throat spray because he now seems to have the same sore throat that I had last week. (I don't think in all fairness I can count giving him a cold as a real gift - honestly). I had to spray it three times because his tongue kept getting in the way and we ended up laughing (which didn't help matters one bit). Still not sure it helped his throat all that much, but maybe his spirits.....

- I called our cell phone company this morning to begin the process of getting a replacement phone for my daughter in Arizona since hers just quit working. She was willing to do it herself, but I know she is extremely busy having taken on additional (work) responsibilities and a new research opportunity this semester in addition to her classes.

Gifts I received:

- I went to parent-teacher conferences with Elliott today and just observed while he interacted with his teachers. He handled himself so self-assuredly, that I believe both he and I got a lot more out of the conferences than if I had just gone by myself as usual or expected. I got to see him interacting with adults as a young adult. I don't get that opportunity all that often and I truly enjoyed it.

- I had a travel companion while I was doing my errands.

- My husband in one of his emails regarding finances today sent me a beautiful picture of a hibiscus flower that he had taken himself. (I added it to my "Images" because I couldn't figure out how to include it in this post. Is that even possible?)

- My husband also offered to give me a ride from Lihue to Kapaa this Wednesday morning when I fly to Kauai to meet with my (divorce) lawyer again. Chivalry is not dead!!

- My sister texted me and thanked me again for the soup I gave her and said she thought I made great soup!

- Elliott gave me his packet of this year's school pictures, which had actually turned out quite nicely. (A miracle in and of itself). I'm sure it was a mere oversight that they had been in his school locker for the past 2-3 months.

Gifts I gave myself:

- I had a wonderful call with my friend this morning.

- I got replacement keys for my car made and reprogrammed. (Sigh!) I still haven't given up hope that the two missing sets will show up someday. St. Anthony and I are still in communication about it. :-)

- I went out on my back deck and sunbathed for about an hour this morning while making phone calls. I haven't been outside just doing nothing in forever. At last I look a little more like I actually live in Hawaii again instead of just looking pale and haggard. (Did I mention that divorce is stressful???) :-)

Blessings,
Krystyn