Day Four: Where is the snooze button?

So how do you give when it is difficult? When you may very well feel the person is undeserving for whatever reason. How do you give with an open heart when your heart is closed?

Woke up this morning at 5:30 a.m. when my daughter pointed out that the sun was coming up. I was aware of this but exhausted and after a futile attempt to convince her to sleep. As I wiped the sleep from my eyes I stumbled to put together some food for her. Once she ate she informed me she was ready to head to the beach, a short walk from our home away from home here in Barbados. I dressed us both after frustrating myself looking for a pair of shorts that somehow disappeared since between when I hung them on the line and brought them upstairs the day before.

I really just wanted to roll over and though her father was actually here and could have watched her I knew she wouldn’t get to make it to the beach. I also knew that this was a chance to give something to someone that I have difficulty giving anything to my ex-husband. So I gave him what I wished I had this morning a few hours to sleep.

I took this opportunity to spend time alone with my daughter; we are currently staying in a three room apartment with six other adults and one other child, so the time alone that we have at home as just mother and daughter has been missing.

We made our journey to the beach and built castles in the sand for 3 hours before we decided breakfast would be a good idea. We journeyed back up the hill to the rum shop and picked up our breakfast of bread and two’s (two fish cakes on salt bread) and then down the back hill to the house.

When we returned the whole house was awake and alive with motion. I was grateful that I gave with an open heart, though my overriding feelings may not have changed. I was able to give without resentment regardless of whether the recipient was grateful or aware I was giving. At the end of the day that was the greatest gift of all.


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