I have been struggling with anxiety lately ... I guess because there is a lot going on in my life, upcoming changes, and uncertainties. I have been overwhelmed with all there is to do; I feel like I get done with one thing on my list and ten new ones are added. It's never ending. I have serious problems relaxing. I am always doing, doing, doing; if I'm not doing then I am thinking about what I should be doing, feeling guilty for not working on something.
I have come to realize that I need to learn how to relax. Perhaps it comes naturally to some people; maybe one day it will be natural for me. I thought it would help me to try and make time to relax each day. I am trying to recognize this time as a priority, telling myself I do not have to wait until all the work is done to have some relaxation (all the work will never be done and relaxing is important).
Tonight after work I gave myself time to relax. I listened to a little music, took a short bath, put on my soft warm pajamas, ate a bowl of the homemade ice cream my fiance made for me this weekend, and read the first chapter of a book I got as a Christmas gift. Now I am giving myself time to write this and watching a little TV. I did this all BEFORE any chores, even though I was thinking I should mop the floor, do some paperwork, etc. It was nice, but a little hard for me to not feel guilty for taking this time. I start to think I should be doing something more productive, but I am telling myself that these things are indeed productive; this benefits me and everyone around me. The other things/work can wait until later. Chances are I will probably get some things done while I have the TV on, but if I don't I am not going to beat myself up for it. I don't have time for this every day. Many nights I have a meeting, an appointment, or am teaching religion class. There is nothing wrong with enjoying this time while I can .... that's what I keep telling myself ....
I want to learn there is nothing wrong with taking a break. I want to learn it is okay to go away for a weekend and not do work. There will always be more work to do, but the work can always wait.
I want to learn not to expect so much from myself, not to be so hard on myself. I want to learn to give myself the care and respect I give others in my life. Why should I think badly about myself for things I would never think badly of others for? I want to give myself credit for all the things I do, both big and small. I want to be able to take things one step at a time. I want to learn to stop worrying so much about the future and to live in the present.