"God, spare me from the desire for love, approval or appreciation." Giving without an agenda.

This morning I was writing in my journal and reviewing my intentions for yesterday. I did make it to the library and donated the audio book that I had been carrying around in the car. I also did some other gives that I had not planned. I gave an aloe vera plant to my housekeeper. She was admiring my plants and I had recently split and repotted the aloe, so I just spontaneously told her to choose one. She thanked me graciously, and it almost embarassed me, because the gift was so minor to me.

The other gift I gave was to be friendly to the dental hygienist. This was huge for me, because I hate going to the dentist and have massive anxiety about it. I usually walk in the office and just shut down mentally. Today I smiled, greeted everyone and asked the hygienist about the beautiful orchids growing in the window. It turned out she is a passionate gardener and is reponsible for the office plants. We had a great conversation and my time in the chair passed so quickly. That turned out to be a wonderful gift for me. Great example of giving and receiving all in one interaction.

That reminds me, I was reading Loving What Is by Byron Katie yesterday, and learned a new concept about giving. Katie points out that many times when people give, it is done with an expectation, a "price tag". Here is an example: I give you a gift because I want love, approval or acceptance. Then when I don't get what I want from you, I become resentful and start thinking that you aren't doing what you should be doing. Then I get all kinds of unhappy. I gave to you, you owe me, you aren't paying me back... I feel unloved, disapproval, unacceptance. It becomes a cycle of suffering. Katie's point is that receiving is in the moment of giving. I gave Jean a plant, and she smiled and accepted it. Transaction done. The giving is how I receive. This was an interesting insight to me, and a way of being more conscious of why I give.

One more thing I will share, Katie's prayer. "God, spare me from the desire for love, approval or appreciation. Amen."