Hiatus and Heartbreak

Sometimes all the compliments in the world won't help me. Compliments and positivity aren't always the answer. (for me). All the compassion in the world that I have won't matter if I get burnt out and all that people tell me is oh don't feel that way. Happiness and positivity for me are such hard work and I'm happy to perform the Job of the jolly or whatever. But when my walker is broken, and the floor is slippery, and I tried to be positive and think a friend that doesn't show would show but she cancels I just want to give up. I feel pressure to be perfect when she tells me not to be upset and that it's not a big deal. Like I get that it's not a tsunami or global warming. I get that she is busy. I get why she didn't show. But to tell me not to be upset or sensitive is a losing battle because it seems impossible. If a person is sensitive, that's who he or she is, it's almost like asking me to write right handed or not to have CP. Both aren't happening, even though the latter would be nice sometimes. I don't get upset because I want her to feel bad I get upset because I feel like if she knows it upsets me when she doesn't come then she should make an effort to come. Because then if she doesn't I doubt everytime she says she will and that's big for me. That's a huge deal to me because that's about my heart and I have a big heart