I am starting over tomorrow....

So ...  This has been one of those really shitty weeks.  And I was on VACATION!!!!

Uhm.  My wife's family had us fly out for my wife's nephew's wedding.  While the wedding was nice the vacation was for the most part very stressful for me.  I felt like we were just starting to get thing financially headed back to the right direction and we really couldn't afford to go on vacation.  I was right.  We are broke.  They paid for the hotel and the airfare.  Nice...really.  But the hotel was far from any groceries and we could not afford a rental car.  This means that for the first three days...we ate as much as we could in the hotel breakfast....and had late dinner with the rest of the family.  We had no mobility or freedom.  After the wedding we were going to stay with Theresa's brother John.  He has been going through a lot.  So he wasnt exactly feeling our presence.  To make thing trickier we had to go with my wife's parents.  Do what they wanted on their time.  I tried to make the best of it.  But there is only so much I could do.  

No one watched the baby for us so we could do much alone.  It really felt like NO ONE was helping.  

Today as we were leaving my wife's dad let the wedding couple's greyhound out and she didnt come back.  Off to the woods on her own.  Instead of trying to find her they justified that she wasn't important and they thought she was stupid for leaving.  So we left for the airport.  Leaving the dog out...and no resolution in sight.

When I exclaimed that it wasn't right....they just justified it.

When I said that we needed to eat before the airport or the plane (traveling 12 hours with a 20 month old) or we would be in bad shape....they made me out to be the person who ruined their plans.  They did offer to stop at a gas station for food.  UGH.  

I am now 2 hours from home...I have had a panic attack and some dehydration.  I am pissed off.  I couldn't find a way to give today.  I could have.  I just didn't.  I am too upset....and I am really upset that I let my giving down....

So I am taking the day off.  That sucks.  But I wanna start over anyway.  This round has felt forced and amost as if I haven't really connected.  And that is what I am really going after....so with a breathe of fresh air I am starting over ROUND 3 tomorrow.  I think I even have some better ideas already.  Thanks for listening to me complain.  Love to all.  Goodnight, Joshy