In resistance
I have realized that taking on the 29 day giving challenge got me a good start and by the 8 or 10 day I had developed some resistance when the inner judge who was questioning the nature of my giving showed up to manage the situation...is it good enough, is this all you can do, or may be I forgot to give today...lets review if any of my actions can be turned into giving...I noticed how much of a chore giving has become when I am a natural at giving, now I am questioning it!
Wow....that is not good, what if I had joined a challenge that asked me to hug a person or to kiss someone every day!
You know what, it is not working for me...!
and in a way, IT IS...working on me!! I am noticing something I never noticed before, I think I will hang in there to watch the process.
How is that?
well...I don't like to be told what to do...I wanted to quit....but why? Because I do not like to plan to give...I LOVE THE SPONTANEOUS FEELING OF WANTING TO GIVE...I feel used, I feel like Spirit wants to work through me...the other kind of giving is useless...empty...it is like I am using people to feel good about mayself...does it make any sense?
So...there is resistance?
Nobody told me it felt like this!!
Okay...so I am in resistance...
At first, It felt terrible...
today, I am okay with it.
I gave two of my dolls away today, one is going to Oregon, the other to Ireland...special gifts for co-workers.
What does it mean...nothing...nothing at all, other than I was following my impulses.
(funny, one of those dolls was a gift, a precious little doll which I have been in love with for two years...and she wanted to go to Ireland...so be it!
I think it was more a matter of letting to.
I did get a kick out of my friend's faces...their comments on the dolls...
they became important, when before nobody had paid attention to them on my wall.
I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend...thanks for your kind gifts and comments.
Namaste.
Wow....that is not good, what if I had joined a challenge that asked me to hug a person or to kiss someone every day!
You know what, it is not working for me...!
and in a way, IT IS...working on me!! I am noticing something I never noticed before, I think I will hang in there to watch the process.
How is that?
well...I don't like to be told what to do...I wanted to quit....but why? Because I do not like to plan to give...I LOVE THE SPONTANEOUS FEELING OF WANTING TO GIVE...I feel used, I feel like Spirit wants to work through me...the other kind of giving is useless...empty...it is like I am using people to feel good about mayself...does it make any sense?
So...there is resistance?
Nobody told me it felt like this!!
Okay...so I am in resistance...
At first, It felt terrible...
today, I am okay with it.
I gave two of my dolls away today, one is going to Oregon, the other to Ireland...special gifts for co-workers.
What does it mean...nothing...nothing at all, other than I was following my impulses.
(funny, one of those dolls was a gift, a precious little doll which I have been in love with for two years...and she wanted to go to Ireland...so be it!
I think it was more a matter of letting to.
I did get a kick out of my friend's faces...their comments on the dolls...
they became important, when before nobody had paid attention to them on my wall.
I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend...thanks for your kind gifts and comments.
Namaste.
Comment
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Comment by Griselda Tello on March 13, 2010 at 2:57pm
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Spell check....ohhh yeah, I relate to that Myra...I have a good excuse...because English is my second language...heh heh!!
Thanks for your kind words.
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Comment by Myra Wolf on March 13, 2010 at 8:18am -
Griselda it sounds normal to me :) I think natural givers like being spontaneous anyway in alot of things. I sometimes don't like writing about any giving I am doing either for so many reasons. Most of all, I know I hate spell checker and I might just spell every word wrong as I type a blog...not care and then feel bad that I didn't care. The doll give-a-way was adorable :)
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OHH I wont...
In fact...this is good...that I opened my big mouth to say...I feel like odd about all this...somehow, it got me more committed. Thanks for your support.
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Aww Deb...at times I feel like I am about to quit and I have not even started. Thanks.
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Comment by Deb~ Community Manager on March 13, 2010 at 6:20am -
You are so honest and that is a gift in itself~ Blessings and happy day to you!
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It is like I am going deeper to find more about my motives...
or not deep at all...it was all surface stuff...to play a game...who's game...what are the rewards?
Too many questions perhaps there is no answer, it is just noticing, something about me, I never noticed before. Thanks Pauline
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Comment by Pauline Nolan on March 13, 2010 at 12:19am -
I think you are right - you have become aware of something inside yourself and now you have a choice about that. thanks for your honesty as it helps all of us.
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