No need for cheer...

Yesterday I was talking to a friend on the phone, he is such a
sweetheart and hates to hear me sad, so often wants to tell me a
joke.. (I have it that women have more room for
sharing when we are low) I told him...no...please, don't try to cheer
me up...I want to feel my feelings, empty my cup without trying to drink
a happy thought.

Have you ever imagined a butterfly wanting to go back into a cocoon?
After feeling the sun in her wings, the view of intoxicating colors, may
be she scares herself or crashes here and there, the hugeness of
everything is so overwhelming...can you see her wanting to go back into a
snug cocoon? I feel like this right now, I hear people talking about
economy crashes, health issues, insurance and so on...communications at
home are no more, I feel like I am walking on egg shells...pride and
misunderstandings...it is not easy, and yet, I know this too shall
pass, mind my own business I tell myself, try to work a bit harder,
concentrate/focus on what is good, discard the rest, do not mind
comments...everything I say has nothing to do with cheering, it is more
like a survival mode...and it is good, because cheering feels so
inappropriate,.

We had a baby shower for my daughter, she is a single mom...and I see
her being able to carry herself so beautifuly talking about the baby with such
enthusiasm...but I know she is scared and frustrated, no support from the baby's dad and
so on...so many changes, it is not easy to watch and hear what goes
around her (she doesn't live with me)...I feel like my tiger woman wants to protect her more than
ever...it is complicated, that is all I can say.

We are all so blessed...bottom line, I am thankful even for moments like
this.