Post-apocalyptic revelations on Day #1.

Beginning this challenge was made incredibly easy for me, no decisions necessary. One of my fellow Buddhists--an older woman-- fell as she was leaving Karaoke late xmas eve and broke her hip; she called from the hospital the following day and I spread the word.

I'm a freelance makeup artist, have been working nonstop this past month, and tonight I escaped early enough to make visiting hours. Took a few treats for Phyllis, a miniature lemon vodka cake, and because I knew her skin would be flaking from dehydration, some luxury skincare products that Neiman Marcus generously donated for her. Her face will feel much better after using the creams.

The part of this that was a gift from me was my time, and I'm so happy I stopped by tonight. I'm tired and grumpy and perhaps a leeeeetle hyperbolic from the extreme work binge I've been pushing this past 6 weeks. I want nothing more than to have some time for myself, time to contemplate the universe, time that I haven't promised to somebody else. I vahnt to be alone, dahlink. My apartment is in desperate need of attention, the laundry is overflowing, I haven't had time to paint or practice guitar or go to the gym or play my accordion or work on carving my little wooden statues, and I STILL haven't made it to the Fine Arts Museum, though I renewed my membership a month ago ... waaaaaaaaaaah!

Today's facebook status was about indulging vivid fantasies of a horde of house elves armed with mops, scrubbies, vacuums, and dustcloths invading my apartment while I'm off slaving at CHANEL, leaving no schmutz unmolested. A girl can dream, right? And THIS is what a single girl should be dreaming of during the holidays?? waaaaaaaaah!!!

Sooooo, it would have been really, really nice to come home at a reasonable hour and take care of Britta's World after today, which was extraordinarily chaotic. I was at a department store to train a new hire and I've never seen such an out-of-control store. There didn't appear to be anyone in charge, half the time there were no store employees to be found to help the customers who kept coming from other departments demanding service, and the managers were not responding to calls. We got no training done at all, just crowd control, and that's not what I was sent to accomplish. At least nobody peed on the floor. By the time I escaped I was frazzled. It did remind me to be profoundly grateful that I've developed my business so I work almost exclusively in high-end places where today's apocalyptic dynamic would be unthinkable.

And I was tired, and my feet hurt.

waaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, being ever-so-virtuous on this first day of gifting, I went to visit Phyllis, there in her hospital bed. She had surgery yesterday. She has Parkinsons as well as this newly broken hip. She survives on social security. And *she* was hurting.

Suddenly, my feet weren't bothering me quite as awfully as I'd been thinking they were.

A frail ghost of a little old lady was in the other bed. She was whimpering, trying to get up, but too weak to even sit up on her own. She kept begging for somebody to please help her. Phyllis said she does that a lot; when I told the nurses they didn't come in to her. It was heartbreaking. Fortunately, her granddaughter came and comforted her.

Suddenly *my* tired seems pretty shallow and ....maybe petulant self indulgence is a more accurate description of the way I've been feeling.

So today's gifting was a jujitsu surprise. I gave a little bit of time and attention for someone I care about, and in return I gained a whole new sense of perspective about the real meaning of 'tired' and 'hurt'. That's going to carry me through the rest of the year with a cheerful, appreciative attitude towards the work I'm fortunate to have and be able to do. I can look around me at my cozy apartment, and even though it is disheveled, and feel soooooo lucky to be here with all my hobbies, routines, privacy and small luxuries surrounding me when I come home.

Life is good :-) And ya never know, if I believe hard enough, maybe the house elves *will* make an appearance.