R2(A2)/D17 (edited)
I am going to write some more snail mail tonight before I go to bed and call that my gift. This round has not been happy for me. I am overwhelmed and tired, like in my soul. Kimmie is right, that if I can't do it in the spirit in which it is intended, I shouldn't do it. But I also recognize it as probably the one thing that is keeping me from completely withdrawing into my own head, so I will press on. I am thinking maybe the next round should be one of these so-called "self-care" rounds. Can someone define that for me?
It was a very hard day at work. The kind of day that makes me wonder if there isn't a better way. I make good money, but on a curve - it's only good compared to what other people in similar positions make. It's not enough. It's not enough to run myself absolutely ragged, getting dumped on by the horribly rude and selfish public; to be forced to absorb other peoples' pain all day (3 deaths today...can you tell?); to get so little appreciation from the people whose business I am building. I feel under-appreciated and underpaid, and I am underliving because of that. I'm tired of it. I am not saying I expect not to struggle in life, to make my way in the world. But I don't think it should be this hard. I am smart and creative and able-bodied. There must be a better way.
To that end, I have decided to go forward with an entrepreneurial idea which is, in my mind, huge. And I'm not sure how to go forward except to pick a direction and start moving. It believe so much in its potential to succeed that it has been paralyzing; I have done nothing with it for fear of failure and success. But it is here, just sitting in my head, waiting to get me somewhere - to get me out of those days where I think I can't take another minute. So I am "green lit" in my mind and making a list of who/when/where/how/why. I will fill you in when it's public, but for now, I am working in secrecy. :-)
Hope everyone's week started off well. XO
P.S. My biggest smile today came from this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY&feature=player_embedded
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Comment by Wendy Jo on March 17, 2010 at 5:16pm -
Change pushes us out of our comfort zone. And isn't it interesting that we are afraid of both failure AND success??!! I have no doubt that whatever you set your mind to, you will succeed. Once you set the intention and focus on it, the Universe will start sending you the resources you need to make it a reality. I'm very excited for you and wish you big buckets full of good luck!!!!
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Comment by e2 on March 16, 2010 at 4:16pm -
Myra & Deb - thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Myra, I am not a mother, but I have insane respect for moms. I can't even deal with what I have on my plate, let alone a full table!
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Comment by Deb~ Community Manager on March 16, 2010 at 5:54am -
I believe in you e2 and the strength you carry within~ You are strong and smart and can do whatever you set your mind to do. I wish you much happiness and success in whatever you may do. You are loved by many here and in your life and we stand beside you through it all no matter what you decide~ God Bless, hugs and blessings to you. Go for it!
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Comment by Myra Wolf on March 16, 2010 at 5:12am -
Good morning secret lady! :) I think all the thoughts that sometimes run amuck in our head are really our intuitions telling us we need another path. You made a "profound" statement.
. I feel under-appreciated and underpaid, and I am underliving because of that.
Sounds like the life of most Mom's..:) anyway.....when we feel that we FEEL it and it is not fluff..it is real and time to change the underliving. Whatever form that takes. The sure thing is, change is usually the form.
I am going to the store today to get a progressive soup can...I want to prop it up against your door and listen to see what adventure you are forming in your mind right now....:) Keep us posted for sure..because you are not alone in underliving.:):) xoxo
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Comment by e2 on March 16, 2010 at 3:54am
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Thanks, guys. I definitely think it's time for some major life changes. Change is good, but scary! :-P Part of me thinks I should just shut up and be grateful to have a job in this economy, but I also think that mindset is what my boss is counting on...why we are expected to move mountains for non-mountainous pay. He counts on us to feel ingratiated and keep working without insurance or raises. It's hard for me to come to this conclusion, because we have worked together for 11 years... But I have to admit that it is not about "us," it's about his business (not mine) and I am merely an employee, no matter what ties I'd like to think we have. Anyway, I know I am better than that and I deserve more. Now if I can get this new idea going... It would change my life. Crossing my fingers.
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Comment by Elly Rose-Tech Support on March 15, 2010 at 6:49pm -
I can direct you to Mbali's discussion on self care round go here. I did a self care round and it was very rewarding and very hard. I really hope that you will do a self care round I learned so much from it, I learned that I was enough. I am sorry you are having a rough time. You need to learn to put yourself in a bubble so the negative thoughts and actions of those around you bounce off.
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Comment by Dawn wwt on March 15, 2010 at 6:00pm -
three deaths in one day, that is really rough! no wonder you are feeling down. if your job is getting to you that badly it is time to change. best of luck with your new venture.
as for the self care round, have you read Mbali's post "Throw Me a Bone"? it is in the Giving Philosophy discussions under the Forum heading. that's what we based the self care round on. check it out. Hugs, Dawn
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