Recycling
I need to get back to writing here more often. It makes me feel more connected to myself..
I have been taking the opportunity to re-gift myself to Myself. So many things that I have or own have memories from my marriage attached to them. There is an outfit I wore on my wedding day, furniture bought together, etc. I want to be able to look at these items and not feel sad. SO! I decided to recycle them and attach different memories to them or change the environment around them.
Here we go! First, I got new covers for my furniture to make it fresh and clean! Then I chose to wear that old outfit when Mina and I went to a childrerns conceert downtown last week. I attached THAT memory to the outfit and it now supersedes the other one!
I think the biggest recycling idea I have come up with sprang up after I finished reading Sue Benders Everyday Sacred book. What a great book! It is all about one womans journey to take the time to notice all the things that are going well in her life and not being preoccupied with things that are not. The image she holds in her head is a begging bowl and the story about the Monk who goes door to door, begging, whatever is put into his bowl, good or bad, he says thank you because everything is a lesson. You just have to SEE.
She also talks about the imperfect bowl and loving the imperfections:
"long before I started thinking about begging bowls and everyday sacred, I saw a strikingly handsome Japanese tea bowl that had been broken and pieced together. The image of that bowl made a lasting impression. Instead of trying to hide the flaws, the cracks were emphasized-filled with silver. The bowl was even more precious after it had been mended."
Now isn't that the perfect metaphor for our lives? we are all so much more beautiful because of all we have gone thru good and bad.
After reading that passage, I knew what I had to do. My project for the upcoming weeks is to shred all of our mutual old bank statements and paperwork that is no longer needed and make paper mâché bowls. I am going to recycle my life into something better, warts and all. Honoring the process by making it beautiful again.
I will not be caught up in the ugliness of divorce and when it becomes the ugliest, I will create beauty. If tolga chooses to be angry and lash out, that is all about him. I choose not to allow it into me anymore. I continue to pick up small things at the market that I know he would like and give it to him and he still looks at me puzzled "why are you being so nice to me?" well, why wouldn't I be?
The other day, it was beautiful outside. He was having a hard time getting Mina to go out and play with him. so, I went in the closet and gave him a ball I was saving for Mina at Easter time. I told him to give it to her, from him. "why?" because she will enjoy it and you will be able to have fun with her. And they did. It is not about who gives her what but the joy and happiness that it brings in her face.
Please keep warm thoughts of me and Mina in your heart as tolga pushes the situation toward court as he is trying to attain custody. I have faith in the outcome, but find it so unfortunate that it has gotten this far.
I have been taking the opportunity to re-gift myself to Myself. So many things that I have or own have memories from my marriage attached to them. There is an outfit I wore on my wedding day, furniture bought together, etc. I want to be able to look at these items and not feel sad. SO! I decided to recycle them and attach different memories to them or change the environment around them.
Here we go! First, I got new covers for my furniture to make it fresh and clean! Then I chose to wear that old outfit when Mina and I went to a childrerns conceert downtown last week. I attached THAT memory to the outfit and it now supersedes the other one!
I think the biggest recycling idea I have come up with sprang up after I finished reading Sue Benders Everyday Sacred book. What a great book! It is all about one womans journey to take the time to notice all the things that are going well in her life and not being preoccupied with things that are not. The image she holds in her head is a begging bowl and the story about the Monk who goes door to door, begging, whatever is put into his bowl, good or bad, he says thank you because everything is a lesson. You just have to SEE.
She also talks about the imperfect bowl and loving the imperfections:
"long before I started thinking about begging bowls and everyday sacred, I saw a strikingly handsome Japanese tea bowl that had been broken and pieced together. The image of that bowl made a lasting impression. Instead of trying to hide the flaws, the cracks were emphasized-filled with silver. The bowl was even more precious after it had been mended."
Now isn't that the perfect metaphor for our lives? we are all so much more beautiful because of all we have gone thru good and bad.
After reading that passage, I knew what I had to do. My project for the upcoming weeks is to shred all of our mutual old bank statements and paperwork that is no longer needed and make paper mâché bowls. I am going to recycle my life into something better, warts and all. Honoring the process by making it beautiful again.
I will not be caught up in the ugliness of divorce and when it becomes the ugliest, I will create beauty. If tolga chooses to be angry and lash out, that is all about him. I choose not to allow it into me anymore. I continue to pick up small things at the market that I know he would like and give it to him and he still looks at me puzzled "why are you being so nice to me?" well, why wouldn't I be?
The other day, it was beautiful outside. He was having a hard time getting Mina to go out and play with him. so, I went in the closet and gave him a ball I was saving for Mina at Easter time. I told him to give it to her, from him. "why?" because she will enjoy it and you will be able to have fun with her. And they did. It is not about who gives her what but the joy and happiness that it brings in her face.
Please keep warm thoughts of me and Mina in your heart as tolga pushes the situation toward court as he is trying to attain custody. I have faith in the outcome, but find it so unfortunate that it has gotten this far.
Comment
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Comment by Toni on March 29, 2011 at 9:14am -
I wish I could "Like, Like, Like" every comment here as well as your post. What an incredible example you are! I'll keep you in my heart & send continued prayers for all three of you as you continue this journey. May your peace become even more catching than it already is!
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Comment by Michele wwt on March 15, 2011 at 7:05pm -
Prayers are with you, dear. Take care.
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Comment by Leaf on March 15, 2011 at 11:13am -
You ladies are awesome and help me thru so much. Mina and I are taking life moment by moment and creating lovely, calming rituals to get thru the day. This was this morning for breakfast :
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150123030963097&set=a....
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Comment by Lois55 wwt on March 15, 2011 at 10:32am -
I continue to admire your strength in all that you are doing. And I will pray that Tolga sees the light and will not pursue custody. Please take care.
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Comment by PenguinInTheSun on March 15, 2011 at 9:37am -
What a wonderful post with great ideas. I love the idea about recucling things to yourself, making them new again. You are also giving Mina such a gift by helping Tolga connect her and in supporting his relationship with her. You demonstrate such a good heart.
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Comment by Lefty on March 15, 2011 at 9:35am -
I was most struck by the story about the ball. This is a testament to where your heart is.
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Comment by dzb123 on March 15, 2011 at 8:48am -
Great post! I completely agree with you in that i am more connected to myself when I write here. After one or 2 days, i lose focus again! Stay strong, sending support your way!
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Comment by Leaf on March 15, 2011 at 8:34am
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I highly recommend Everyday Sacred, by Sue Bender. It is a quick read and it really made me think differently about things.
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Comment by Leaf on March 15, 2011 at 8:32am
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Well, I had to think of something, I had a really cute outfit that I never wore because every time I looked at it, I remembered putting it on after I took off my wedding gown. Now when look at it, I remember the fun morning mina and I had out at a kids concert. Now it feels different...if that makes any sense whatsoever.
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Comment by iamlisa on March 15, 2011 at 8:11am
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What an awesome idea to recycle the "stuff" and attach new memories to your things!
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