Round 7, Day 12 - 24: Words & Quiet

During these 10 days, I learned about not using words and the power and effectiveness of this choice.

One of my dogs gave me trouble in water rescue training.  I couldn't figure why, until someone talked about correction with dogs.  I realized when I work my dog on water, I correct using my voice as it's easier for me physically.  But on land, I don't make much verbal corrections and she does what I want.  So, this weekend, I made a point not to use my voice to correct... she did wonderfully. 

I realized that my body offers a conversation to a dog.  I actually have a lot more influence upon her if I use my body deliberately and sparingly.

These realizations applied to people as well.  During the 10 days, I had a few conversations that had me rethinking about how I relate to others.

For example, I had to return something belonging to my ex boyfriend's son.  I fully expected to drop off the item and continue on my way.  My ex boyfriend was there and was (unexpectedly) happy to see me.  He talked to me for nearly two hours.  I didn't say much; just listened to him.  When I left, I thought perhaps we would at least be friends. He touched me three times.  I didn't respond except the last time to return a hug before I left.

Over the next few days, I spoke to him a couple of times about work I wanted to hire him to do.  Then I realized he was offering to do the work, but then his schedule kept him from doing it.  I suspected this schedule reason was an excuse to cover that he didn't want to do what he'd first wanted to do.  So, I hired someone else and got the majority of work I needed done.  Then I left him a message saying the work I needed was done, I had one last project that if he wanted to do it, he could call me.  As I suspected, he did not call.

I don't know why he blew hot and cold.  It doesn't matter.  He doesn't want to communicate that with me.  I'm not losing any sleep over it.  His actions during our break up tell me he doesn't think much about other people.

Actions, I've discovered these 10 days, speak louder than words.  So I've concluded that yes we need to watch our words, they are powerful; but we also need to guard our actions. Our actions reverberate throughout the world.

Another example: I train with 40 people.  One woman sent a note to the group regarding food for our gathering in a few days.  I responded I would provide the method of gathering our information if the group wanted this.  The other 38 people didn't respond one way or the other.  When I spoke to her at training, this woman was quite hurt by the rudeness of the other members of our group.  We both said we refrained from sending another email requesting response as we didn't want to nag.  Still, she was hurt.  My response was more disgust with lack of respect.

I've encountered this lack of respect in a few others during the past 10 days.  There is something to be said about responding to another with "I don't know."  Or "Could we discuss this later?"  When one doesn't respond to an ongoing conversation, it leaves the other wondering about respect.

In my case, I was organizing community events.  I could see this lack of follow through reflects poorly on the other person's character.  It also has the power to hurt.

So, lack of words has power too.

I conclude, one needs to be clear on how they want to move in the world.  What we say and don't say sends messages to other people.  We need to make sure that we've sent the message we intend.

So my word for today is:

Balance

How do you balance what you say and don't say in your life?