The Light, One dozen years ago my best friend died. I was given a gift that day and as part of my challenge, I share that gift with all of you.
The Light
“If you want to see her, you must come tonight.” The words were measured, tense, but expected. Robin’s sister was calling from the
hospital. I knew exactly what to do next. I had mentally rehearsed that moment since the first phone call from Robin three years prior. I tucked the book, Simple Abundance and The Common Book of Prayer under my arm. I left a note for my children and I called my husband.
I arrived at the hospital and entered Robin’s room. She lay in bed. No hair, no eyebrows, morphine drip with an expression on her face distorted by anger. She was angry at the doctors and at the cancer that was stealing her life.
Robin’s Mother, Brother, Husband, Aunt, Uncle and Sister-in-Law were all there. We exchanged quiet nods of hello. Time passed with silence broken by brief halted conversation. Everyone side stepped the important words. The time was passing too quickly. I needed to speak, I could wait no longer. I opened Simple Abundance, “Oh Robin, remember our favorite passage from the poem ‘Ithaka’ I continued slowly taking care to pronounce each word:
“As you set out in search of Ithaka,
Pray that you journey be long,
Full of adventures,
Full of awakenings.
Do not fear the monsters of old…”
My voice trailed off as I noticed her head turn and she looked past me. Her anger seemed to ease for a brief moment. Thinking it was the right time, my mouth opened and the words spilled out, “I will make certain that you are not forgotten.” She responded with sarcasm, “Thanks”. The anger returned. Her voice was quiet, “Why do I have to go?. There was no answer.
A nurse entered the room, “Everyone must leave now so that I may prepare Robin”. She was to receive a bolus of morphine to relieve her three years of endless pain and agony. We filed out of the room and the seven of us held up the walls of the hall with our bodies, waiting. The nurse opened the door and with a whisper uttered to the seven, “It won’t be long now”. My section of wall seemed to need great support. I could not move. She was my best friend… I thought about the night into morning that we waited in line to buy Bruce Springsteen tickets for five performances at the Tower Theater, when we sat through that awful off Broadway play “The Basic Training of Pavlo Hummel” (not once but twice) for a chance to be in the presence of Al Pacino, when we drank Amaretto at Valentino’s Disco, shared a college apartment, planned showers, danced at weddings, had baby boys, shopped for our baby girls and cried at her Father’s funeral.
One by one, we pulled ourselves away from the wall and slowly walked into the room to say goodbye. I was the last to enter. Two people stood by her head, two by her heart and two by her hands. I completed the circle at her feet. I opened the book of prayer and began to read, “In the name of God, the Almighty Father who created you…” Robin reached forward and smiled. A smile not intended for her Mother, Brother, Husband, Aunt, Uncle, Sister-in-Law or Me. Robin reached beyond all of us.
She fell back ever so gently and closed her eyes. My prayer became silent. I gazed at Robin. I noticed the light shift above her head. Rays of amber gold radiated up towards the ceiling in graceful and constant movement. I was transfixed. A Halo. The moment lasted forever. Then it was gone. Then she was gone.
It was later, maybe the next day that I realized that I had been given the unbelievable opportunity and gift to not only say goodbye to my dear friend’s life but also her spirit. I witnessed her leaving one world for the next.
In the end her anger was gone, only pure gold light remained and I did see Robin. I saw her that night, at peace.
Pray that your journey be long,
Full of adventures,
Full of awakenings.
Do not fear…
“If you want to see her, you must come tonight.” The words were measured, tense, but expected. Robin’s sister was calling from the
hospital. I knew exactly what to do next. I had mentally rehearsed that moment since the first phone call from Robin three years prior. I tucked the book, Simple Abundance and The Common Book of Prayer under my arm. I left a note for my children and I called my husband.
I arrived at the hospital and entered Robin’s room. She lay in bed. No hair, no eyebrows, morphine drip with an expression on her face distorted by anger. She was angry at the doctors and at the cancer that was stealing her life.
Robin’s Mother, Brother, Husband, Aunt, Uncle and Sister-in-Law were all there. We exchanged quiet nods of hello. Time passed with silence broken by brief halted conversation. Everyone side stepped the important words. The time was passing too quickly. I needed to speak, I could wait no longer. I opened Simple Abundance, “Oh Robin, remember our favorite passage from the poem ‘Ithaka’ I continued slowly taking care to pronounce each word:
“As you set out in search of Ithaka,
Pray that you journey be long,
Full of adventures,
Full of awakenings.
Do not fear the monsters of old…”
My voice trailed off as I noticed her head turn and she looked past me. Her anger seemed to ease for a brief moment. Thinking it was the right time, my mouth opened and the words spilled out, “I will make certain that you are not forgotten.” She responded with sarcasm, “Thanks”. The anger returned. Her voice was quiet, “Why do I have to go?. There was no answer.
A nurse entered the room, “Everyone must leave now so that I may prepare Robin”. She was to receive a bolus of morphine to relieve her three years of endless pain and agony. We filed out of the room and the seven of us held up the walls of the hall with our bodies, waiting. The nurse opened the door and with a whisper uttered to the seven, “It won’t be long now”. My section of wall seemed to need great support. I could not move. She was my best friend… I thought about the night into morning that we waited in line to buy Bruce Springsteen tickets for five performances at the Tower Theater, when we sat through that awful off Broadway play “The Basic Training of Pavlo Hummel” (not once but twice) for a chance to be in the presence of Al Pacino, when we drank Amaretto at Valentino’s Disco, shared a college apartment, planned showers, danced at weddings, had baby boys, shopped for our baby girls and cried at her Father’s funeral.
One by one, we pulled ourselves away from the wall and slowly walked into the room to say goodbye. I was the last to enter. Two people stood by her head, two by her heart and two by her hands. I completed the circle at her feet. I opened the book of prayer and began to read, “In the name of God, the Almighty Father who created you…” Robin reached forward and smiled. A smile not intended for her Mother, Brother, Husband, Aunt, Uncle, Sister-in-Law or Me. Robin reached beyond all of us.
She fell back ever so gently and closed her eyes. My prayer became silent. I gazed at Robin. I noticed the light shift above her head. Rays of amber gold radiated up towards the ceiling in graceful and constant movement. I was transfixed. A Halo. The moment lasted forever. Then it was gone. Then she was gone.
It was later, maybe the next day that I realized that I had been given the unbelievable opportunity and gift to not only say goodbye to my dear friend’s life but also her spirit. I witnessed her leaving one world for the next.
In the end her anger was gone, only pure gold light remained and I did see Robin. I saw her that night, at peace.
Pray that your journey be long,
Full of adventures,
Full of awakenings.
Do not fear…
Comment
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Comment by DeeSam on December 17, 2009 at 2:57pm -
I can't thank you enough for sharing your story. You are a wonderful friend to keep your promise to your friend. If only we all could be blessed to see the light in our lives. Maybe this program is one of those things that starts flickers for all of us.
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Comment by Sharon C. in Brevard, NC on December 5, 2009 at 11:15am -
This was so very touching. You are so fortunate to have been with your friend to the end. My best friend passed away about 4 years ago and her family came and took her away to California. I did get to talk with her once just before she passed into a coma. I still miss her terribly as I'm sure you miss your friend.....
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Comment by Lubabat Scotland on November 19, 2009 at 11:01am -
You write beautifully. Thank you for sharing Robin's story with us. It was very moving, and made me think of my own journey. My intent is to live my life in such a way that when I'm gone, whether it be from cancer or something else, that I will have left a legacy of kindness and smiles. I am sure that wherever Robin is she is smiling knowing that you have kept your promise to keep her memory alive. :)
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Comment by Joy on November 16, 2009 at 9:24pm -
What a beautiful story. God bless you for being there and also remembering her a dozen years later. I too lost a dear friend so I have felt your pain. The happy memories help!
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Comment by Stacey S. on November 16, 2009 at 9:13pm -
so very beautiful.
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Comment by Triciabee on November 16, 2009 at 7:59pm -
Wow, thank you for that. You gave to so many of us just by posting it which I'm sure was difficult. A thank you for Robin too.
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Comment by Mary Johnson on November 16, 2009 at 1:49pm -
Thank you for sharing this wonderful gift of support, remembrance and faith. I was caregiver for my sister, Cynthia, who died from cervical cancer. I witnessed four wonderful events during and after her death. Thank you for bringing them forward. They are very comforting memories.
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Comment by Mebsmommy on November 12, 2009 at 7:01am -
You have a true gift for the written word. Thank you for the gift of a powerful story this morning. I will cherish it and "remember Robin" today.
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Comment by Jane on November 12, 2009 at 6:29am -
Lovely - I too danced at Valentinos, slept out for Springsteen tickets.
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Comment by Sparkles on November 11, 2009 at 7:20pm
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Thank you for not letting Robin be forgotten.
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