Worst Parent in the World
Somewhere out there is a plaque with my picture on it and the words "Worst Parent in the World" stamped in gold leaf on it. I've actually managed to win this award two weeks in a row now!! LOL!
I've had an intense week at home with my 16 year old son, who has twice now graced me with those words "you are the worst parent in the whole world". He has broken several rules of the house, been caught lying, is defying us on many fronts and has unleashed a torrent of angry words directed at my wife and I. Of my three children, he has typically been the most difficult to raise. Now that he is 16, the issues and his reactions have grown in proportionate size.
It didn't help that I was volunteered at work to participate in a grueling 40 hour training course with daily examinations and nightly homework. Or that my Mother in Arizona is suddenly getting much worse in dealing with her fibromyalga and I need to plan a trip to go see her ASAP; or that my Father-in-law has come down with a serious lung infection for the last two weeks, so that I am caring for him right in the middle of when he had a big move planned. So I am packing his stuff, painting and moving furniture at the new place and now taking care of 5 acres of his property. I am mentally and physically exhausted and when I come home there is intense drama to deal with on a nightly basis. My wife also has frayed nerves dealing with our son and her sick Dad.
This is reminding me of important lessons.
1) That one of the main purposes I was placed here on earth was NOT to live in self-gratification and ease, but rather to GIVE and to LEARN. Difficulties allow me more opportunities to give and learn.
2) That sometimes some of our best teachers in this life are those who cause us the greatest stress and difficulty. I have been learning a lot about myself and my parenting in the last few months. I am learning to not react emotionally to stinging barbs, but to stay centered and focused. I am learning to see my son, not as an inferior child and me as a superior parent, but both of us as individuals who are trying to walk our respective paths. (I think I was reading this in one of Eckhart Tolle's books). I find myself being a better listener with him and treating him in a more empowering way. And yet for this time and space, i must strive to give him some direction as a parent.
3) That just because I am mentally and physically tired, and some things in life are sad and a challenge now, doesn't give me the right to be cold, rude and unfeeling toward others. I will strive to stay centered in the love, faith and peace residing within.
We have a family counseling session set up next week and i hope having a third party present will help facilitate some healing here. In the meantime, the plaque with my picture is still hanging on the wall.
I've had an intense week at home with my 16 year old son, who has twice now graced me with those words "you are the worst parent in the whole world". He has broken several rules of the house, been caught lying, is defying us on many fronts and has unleashed a torrent of angry words directed at my wife and I. Of my three children, he has typically been the most difficult to raise. Now that he is 16, the issues and his reactions have grown in proportionate size.
It didn't help that I was volunteered at work to participate in a grueling 40 hour training course with daily examinations and nightly homework. Or that my Mother in Arizona is suddenly getting much worse in dealing with her fibromyalga and I need to plan a trip to go see her ASAP; or that my Father-in-law has come down with a serious lung infection for the last two weeks, so that I am caring for him right in the middle of when he had a big move planned. So I am packing his stuff, painting and moving furniture at the new place and now taking care of 5 acres of his property. I am mentally and physically exhausted and when I come home there is intense drama to deal with on a nightly basis. My wife also has frayed nerves dealing with our son and her sick Dad.
This is reminding me of important lessons.
1) That one of the main purposes I was placed here on earth was NOT to live in self-gratification and ease, but rather to GIVE and to LEARN. Difficulties allow me more opportunities to give and learn.
2) That sometimes some of our best teachers in this life are those who cause us the greatest stress and difficulty. I have been learning a lot about myself and my parenting in the last few months. I am learning to not react emotionally to stinging barbs, but to stay centered and focused. I am learning to see my son, not as an inferior child and me as a superior parent, but both of us as individuals who are trying to walk our respective paths. (I think I was reading this in one of Eckhart Tolle's books). I find myself being a better listener with him and treating him in a more empowering way. And yet for this time and space, i must strive to give him some direction as a parent.
3) That just because I am mentally and physically tired, and some things in life are sad and a challenge now, doesn't give me the right to be cold, rude and unfeeling toward others. I will strive to stay centered in the love, faith and peace residing within.
We have a family counseling session set up next week and i hope having a third party present will help facilitate some healing here. In the meantime, the plaque with my picture is still hanging on the wall.
Comment
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Comment by Peter on May 26, 2009 at 6:20am -
I think the plaque is something to be proud of Shawn because it shows that your son cares enough to bestow such a title on you. And something else to be proud of is the way you don't use your full plate as an excuse to run roughshod over your son. Way to go, dad :) the world need more dad's like you.
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Comment by Effie Truver on May 22, 2009 at 4:00pm -
Now I shall be praying for you and your son and family..........God be with you to guide you in all your decision making. Blessings, Effie
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Comment by Shawn on May 19, 2009 at 6:09am -
Thank you all for your compassionate wisdom. Your words ring with truth, understanding and love.
Shawn
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Comment by genuine, wwt, welcomer on May 18, 2009 at 7:27pm -
Ha! I love Elly Rose's comment ... about you stealing her plaque. I bet there are a lot of parents out there who feel they should have that plaque at one time or another. And today there were a couple of my not-so-fine moments brought on by frustartions with the children ... and at those times I feel I deserve the WORST DAYCARE PROVIDER PLAQUE
... There aren't plaques like that Shawn (unless your son actually makes you one)
... there are simply bad moments as none of us are perfect ... but we must also remember all the good moments when we did handle our role with children well
...there's no plaque, simply words your son said (most likely in anger or frustration, etc.) I bet someday he'll regret saying them (maybe even already does)
... You are going through tough times. Try to take it easy ... by that I mean be easier on yourself ... don't be so hard on yourself, maybe just lower the bar on your expectations of self .........
I hope the counseling session will be helpful.
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Comment by Dawn wwt on May 18, 2009 at 5:41pm -
i recently read that bit about parents not being superior to their children in A New Earth. applause to you for being able to call it to mind in the midst of all this tumult! it is good that your son feels secure enough in your love that he is able to vent, if he didn't he would be afraid to. i will keep you in my prayers, you have a lot to deal with right now.
in answer to your question, James is still looking for work. he is also looking into going back to school to study alternative energies. Hugs, Dawn
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Comment by Elly Rose on May 18, 2009 at 3:43pm -
So, it was you that stole my plaque. My kids gave it to me years ago, but it has been retired lately. It is so easy for our kids to hurt us. You are doing so well, you understand and are willing to hear a new way of healing your son. You really have been busy this last week. There is a lot on your plate right now. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
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Comment by Pat Halverson on May 18, 2009 at 2:14pm -
Shawn, I think the plaque should say Best Parent, because you are aware of many things others would not be. I remember when my kids were little hearing the words "I hate you" my response of That's too bad, cause I still love you usually put an end to the stinging words! lol I think a third party is a good idea, especially as a family another perspective is sometimes just what is needed to help resolve and break the tension.
Hope you can find a little time for giving to yourself in this time when your giving is on overload of needed and emotional gives! Will keep you and your family in my prayers!
Nasmaste
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